Saturday, July 11, 2009
Naomi and I have lived together for 3 years. She is moving out of our apartment to move in with her husband, which when you think about it that basically means that I should be giving the bride away, but whatever whatever no big deal. Naomi is one of the soul mates of my life a and I am going to miss living with her so much. Of the 3 years we lived together almost the entire first year was spent hating each other. I can't really explain why we hated one another other than the facts that she's really into God, I am inappropriate all of the time, living in a dorm is the most ridiculous way of living I have ever seen, and we had the exact same schedule for an entire year.
One morning we woke for an 8a.m. class and I proceeded to make myself a bowl of cereal. Keep in mind that the beginning of our living arrangement was during my pre-lactose intolerant days, my lactose tolerant days if you will. With the first mouthful of this said cereal I knew I had made a terrible choice. Something was killing my mouth. The milk had soured. I dramatically spit it out and poured the rest of the milk down the drain. I looked over at Naomi who was avoiding my gaze, seemingly unaware of the awfulness that had just occurred. I then noticed that Naomi was eating plain Cheerios. Dry. No Milk. She knew! She had to have known, no one eats dry Cheerios except babies, and even babies hate them. I grabbed my stuff and stormed out, but not without slamming the door first because everyone knows that is the best way to get feelings across. I didn't even bring it up until 2 years later and then she claimed to not remember the event at all...
We were true enemies then. Who knew that we would end up bonding over our love of April Fool's Day and end up actually liking each other? Who knew she would find a dude to marry her in 2 years? But we do like each other and she did find a nice guy to marry, and I am happy for her. I can honestly say that Naomi is one of the most important people in my life and not living with her next year makes me really really really sad, but I am excited for her to get married. Get it gurl get it!
Sorry for all of the reminiscing, I guess even this girl can be cheesy. :)
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
It's a floating island made of cheese. Ridiculous. I know that I'm biased but I don't think anyone would want to live there. The floating alone makes me quite nervous. I have many reasons why I would not live here but here are my top 10.
10. Cheese is flame retardant. I would not be able to build a fire. How would I cook anything?
9. Even the animals on this island would contain dairy products.
8. I think the obvious problem would be; sunshine+cheese=a foul odor. No one wants the place they live to smell bad.
7.This brings me to the big elephant in the room...What kind of gastrointestinal issues would one have if they were to live on a diet that consisted only of cheese, even if someone wasn't lactose intolerant. Gross.
6. Cheese as a food by itself is nothing to write home about. What would I write on a post card? No one wants an "I'm miserable" post card, and I personally do not want to send one.
5. With the impending doom of global warming the island would probably melt and then what?
4. I made a promise to myself a long time ago that I would never own a home on edible ground.
3. Any lover I would find on an island made of cheese would probably not be pleased by the lack of cheese in my life. I've been broken up with over my inability to eat pizza before, I'm not interested in re-living that experience again.
2. I probably would not be able to afford it. What job would hire someone who has publicly declared war on the basis of the country? It would be like allowing Cat Stevens to make music in the U.S. again...
1. I'm a respectable girl,I do not want to live a lie. I hate cheese and it hates me. We have struck a nice balance. If I were to go to this island of cheese it would probably mess up the whole floating structure all together and that idea is terrifying to me.
Friday, June 19, 2009
"Hey, do you want a coke...why are you crying"?
"Joseph always had that ridiculous white ring of coke around the inside of his nose".
"I was just asking if you were thirsty..."
I'm not going through any of these 'terrible' things at the moment, but I've realized that I have begun to make people really uncomfortable. When out with friends they will ever so softly ask, "Megan, where do you want to eat? Where CAN you eat?". It's very strange. I really noticed it the other day when my friend Jen said,"I really want a grilled cheeee- sorry". She wouldn't even say cheese in front of me. Cheese isn't a bad word! I can hear it, I will wattch someone eat it, and I'll even allow it in my house. I'm not crazy and I don't have cancer. There's no need to tip toe around me. I can't eat dairy, no big deal. Please treat me like a normal person. I am lucky enough to have one friend that treats me normally. This friend navigates me to the dairy section last week to say, " I don't need anything, I just wanted to stare at all of the things you can't have". What a sweetheart. She scoffs at my lactose intolerance and I laughed at her when she had a stroke. Friends forever. When I get cancer I hope she makes fun of my bald head. I'll sure as hell make fun of hers.
Monday, June 15, 2009
I almost went too. Almost... In the end I was too worried that I would actually end up walking this gentleman's dog and in true pushover fashion meeting his kids and ex-wife, and then, before I knew it I would be marrying this gutsy hamburger entrepreneur. It's disappointing because who knows when an oppurtunity will arise like this again. I just have to keep telling myself; there's always another bar, always another hamburger joint, always another lonely 40 something desperate for a young girl who will walk with him and his dog...
"Spend all your time waiting for that second chance
For the break that will make it ok
There's always some reason to feel not good enough
And it's hard at the end of the day...
In the arms of an Angel, fly away from here..."
-Arms of An Angel by Sarah McLachlan.
Thursday, June 11, 2009
It took me some time but I finally got around to writing my letters to fellow lactose intolerant celebrities. I decided to hand write the letters for more charm. After 6 letters my hand hurts like hell and all charm is gone. I had not written a letter to a celebrity since I was 9 years old when I wrote to Kristi Yamaguchi, the figure skater. This time around it felt a lot more uncomfortable and I think my letters ended up looking like they had actually been written by a 9 year old. Either way, I think I got my point across.
With my 6 letters written to near perfection here are some of the highlights:
When I say they are written to 'near perfection' I mean instances like the 3 attempts to spell 'acquaintance' in my letter to Anne Hathaway. Or the crossed out their to there to Orlando Bloom. I'm just weird about grammar, I hope they appreciate I went through the trouble.
Mainly there was a lot of me being as awkward in writing as I am in real life.
-To Katey Sagal (Peg from Married with Children) I wrote 'I still think of you when I see leopard print'.
-To Jessica Alba I told her that her baby was cute and that I hoped she could still eat cheese.
- I'm weirdly obsessed with Mary-Kate and Ashley so I was most excited to write her. I proclaimed my love to her and I told her how much I loved 'New York Minute' I told her to "fuck the critics" and make more movies.
-My weirdest letter by far was to Halle Berry. Her letter must have been written last. I wrote to her, "I know you just had a baby, wasn't it weird that you could produce milk but can't digest it yourself. I cannot wrap my mind around this".
I tried to make a unique sign off for every letter.
-Let’s make this world dairy free for you and me
- Your fellow sufferer of a dairy free life
-Your dairy free acquaintance
All of my letters had some sort of request for the celeb to speak out more about their ailment. If you were to read all of the letters I think you would wonder if my main goal is to get a restraining order. At least then I’ll know the letters were read.
Friday, June 5, 2009
Wednesday, June 3, 2009
There are several reasons why I would tell you not to eat at the Delmar Restaurant and Lounge in St. Louis. There are the normal reasons like poor service, questionable cleanliness, randomness of the menu, etc. The bathrooms are gross and the toilets are at such a height that it is impossible for a girl of 5’6” to properly hover. But there is one good thing about this eatery that shines among a sea of negative critiques; when ordering a burger, the Delmar Restaurant and Lounge will not put cheese on it unless requested. I like this trait for the obvious reasons. Others would probably say that it is cheap of them, and if you are not lactose intolerant this may just be another negative tally for the restaurant. Choose what you will, but you should probably check it out for the unbelievably slow paced bartender alone.