You know how when someone gets diagnosed with cancer, or someone dies unexpectedly, or someone goes through a bad breakup after the initial "I'm so sorry for you" phase you start to only think about how the situation is awkward for you? It sounds terrible, but it's just how it really is. Like when someone gets cancer you can no longer talk about the future. If I were to say, "When I'm older I'm going to have sex with one of my son's friends, but only one so that the others continue to try for the rest of my lifetime to bone me out of sheer competition.", it's uncomfortable because the cancer patient might not get a chance to do that. There's a dark cloud over everything. When people die unexpectedly eveyone's all about living for today, but really I don't feel bad that I've watched 3 entire seasons of Weeds since Monday. It's still an accomplishment. People going through break-ups are somehow the worst because you can't talk about anything without it somehow relating to their ex-lover.
"Hey, do you want a coke...why are you crying"?
"Joseph always had that ridiculous white ring of coke around the inside of his nose".
"I was just asking if you were thirsty..."
I'm not going through any of these 'terrible' things at the moment, but I've realized that I have begun to make people really uncomfortable. When out with friends they will ever so softly ask, "Megan, where do you want to eat? Where CAN you eat?". It's very strange. I really noticed it the other day when my friend Jen said,"I really want a grilled cheeee- sorry". She wouldn't even say cheese in front of me. Cheese isn't a bad word! I can hear it, I will wattch someone eat it, and I'll even allow it in my house. I'm not crazy and I don't have cancer. There's no need to tip toe around me. I can't eat dairy, no big deal. Please treat me like a normal person. I am lucky enough to have one friend that treats me normally. This friend navigates me to the dairy section last week to say, " I don't need anything, I just wanted to stare at all of the things you can't have". What a sweetheart. She scoffs at my lactose intolerance and I laughed at her when she had a stroke. Friends forever. When I get cancer I hope she makes fun of my bald head. I'll sure as hell make fun of hers.