Thursday, June 11, 2009

Dairy-free fan mail

It took me some time but I finally got around to writing my letters to fellow lactose intolerant celebrities.  I decided to hand write the letters for more charm.  After 6 letters my hand hurts like hell and all charm is gone.  I had not written a letter to a celebrity since I was 9 years old when I wrote to Kristi Yamaguchi, the figure skater.  This time around it felt a lot more uncomfortable and I think my letters ended up looking like they had actually been written by a 9 year old.  Either way, I think I got my point across.  


With my 6 letters written to near perfection here are some of the highlights:


When I say they are written to 'near perfection' I mean instances like the 3 attempts to spell 'acquaintance' in my letter to Anne Hathaway.  Or the crossed out their to there to Orlando Bloom.  I'm just weird about grammar, I hope they appreciate I went through the trouble. 


Mainly there was a lot of me being as awkward in writing as I am in real life.                              

         -To Katey Sagal (Peg from Married with Children) I wrote 'I still think of you when I see leopard print'.                          

     -To Jessica Alba I told her that her baby was cute and that I hoped she could still eat cheese.    

 - I'm weirdly obsessed with Mary-Kate and Ashley so I was most excited to write her.          I proclaimed  my love to her and I told her how much I loved 'New York Minute' I told her to "fuck the critics" and make more movies.     

-My weirdest letter by far was to Halle Berry.  Her letter must have been written last.  I wrote to her, "I know you just had a baby, wasn't it weird that you could produce milk but can't digest it yourself.  I cannot wrap my mind around this".


I tried to make a unique sign off for every letter.  

         -Let’s make this world dairy free for you and me

- Your fellow sufferer of a dairy free life

         -Your dairy free acquaintance


All of my letters had some sort of request for the celeb to speak out more about their ailment.  If you were to read all of the letters I think you would wonder if my main goal is to get a restraining order.  At least then I’ll know the letters were read.  

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