Friday, May 29, 2009
I walk into Steak 'N' Shake with a vision, a new journey. I approach the manager with a unique request. With me I have brought 2 individually wrapped slices of soy cheese. I ask the manager politely and sincerely to please have his cooks replace the regular (evil) cheese with this soy cheese on a frisco melt for me. I believe the task to be a simple one but the manager replies with a shake of the head and something about health code regulations. Stupid rules. If no one ever went against the rules Steak 'N' Shake wouldn't even exist! Watch any biography on Benjamin Franklin and you will learn this! As I watch him walk away, sadly observing his brown belt/black jeans combo, I realize that this man has been making poor decisions since the moment he woke, probably since he was birthed.
My hopes are still not shattered. One of these days I'm going to meet someone who is up for the challenge, someone who will choose to do what is right.
Wednesday, May 27, 2009
Monday, May 25, 2009
Here, I'll start:
I'm aware of how delicious strawberry shortcake is about as much as I'm aware of your dwindling hospitality.
your daughter Megan
Saturday, May 23, 2009
What most people do not notice (though now I bet you will) is that every food item has in bold at the end of the ingredients list whether an item contains a common food allergen, such as soy, nuts, wheat, or MILK. This particular can of Campbell's did not list any of these allergens so I assumed the product safe for consumption. Select Harvest soups boast "Real Ingredients. For Real Taste." What are' real ingredients' you may be asking. Worry not because Campbell's answers on the label, "Real ingredients are ingredients you understand, ingredients you can pronounce". I can pronounce the ingredients just fine, but what I don't understand is first, why is Campbell's talking to me like a child? And second, why, do I find 10 items down on the ingredients list 'Monterey jack cheese' without a milk allergen warning!? I of course, being a concerned consumer, emailed Campbell's right away. I have yet to hear anything back.
I am now boycotting Campbell's products, and it's been a tough 3 days. I am actually very terrible at boycotting things but I find myself always wanting to. I tend to forget I'm boycotting anything because I'm not very aggressive about it. I boycotted Hardee's when I was in high school because I hated their commercials. My thought was that Hardee's should be working harder to bring me in. An announcer with an annoying voice and people eating and drinking loudly was just not cutting it. I lasted about 3 months. My boycott on Hardee's ended when I started working there. My second job was working for a unionized grocery store. So of course, being in a union and all, I hated Wal-Mart. Hated it. I would never shop there again. I went away to college, came back, and I've been to Wal-Mart twice today. One of my trips was to buy a can of Campbell's Select Harvest Mexican Style Chicken Tortilla soup so that I could quote the label accurately...My new boycott on Campbell's starts now.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
A friend told me about a carnival in St. Louis that had "these cheesy hot dogs that were amazing". My first question was, "were there normal hot dogs available". My friend replied that he did not know. I assumed that this carnival did not offer such a thing, so I devised my plan of attack. I decided to carry a sign, and I brainstormed for a short amount of time for a statement. Whilst making this sign I thought to myself, "Oh darling, no one will be able to read this sign at night, this sign must be carried during the day". I praised myself on my genius thinking and crafty skills with a sharpie marker.
I then set out to prove my point.
The failure of my protest can all be summed up in poor planning.
I guess I didn't really think about how NO ONE goes to the carnival during the day, and how at night the lights from the carnival can be seen from a mile away. Also, cameras have a flash.
I should have went at night.
Mostly though, the sign was a failure from the start.
Mistakes I made with the sign:
1. I should not have written a quirky statement mentioning cheese and beef that only my brother would understand.
2. The sign was moderate in size.
3. Nobody writes in cursive after the 4th grade.
4. Perhaps the word 'cheese' should not have been the focal point of the sign.
5. No protest only has 1 sign.
6. And this is unrelated to the success of the sign but, my Dad was kind of unhappy to learn that I used a piece of trim that he needed for the basement as a sign holder.
In my defense, carnivals never last too long so I needed to act fast...Good God I hope I get better at this!
Monday, May 18, 2009
I love being thin but I hate exercise.
I love straight teeth but I hate braces.
I love to play games but I hate showing people how crazy competitive I am.
I love boys that I can't have but I hate that I can't have them.
I love Halloween but I hate throwing up on my printer...
The list goes on and on. Recently I re-listened to 50 cent's "In Da Club" (all life lessons can be learned by 50), and he wisely raps, "And you should love it, way more than you hate it".
I love salsa way more than I hate the terrible burning sensation in my mouth, and I love fighting with cheese way more than I hate not eating it.
Thanks 50 Cent!
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Thursday, May 14, 2009
I have, for the last 7 months or so, been spitting out fake statistics about lactose intolerance to anyone who would listen. Among my favorites are:
- 80% of the world is lactose intolerant (Suprisingly, people believe this one. This is no new strategy, but for those that don't know; the key to making people believe false statistics is to make the number high enough to get your point across and low enough to be believable. I'm still not sure how this one continues to get by)
- 86% of courtship revolves around dairy (this one was intended to be a joke but I believe with enough research it could be accurate, it's what I have found to be true)
If I am really going to start taking a stand against milk products I need to look up real statistics. No more fake ones. What I found, I'm disappointed to say is that 15% of Caucasian Americans are lacotse intolerant. 15% is not going to get me anywhere! BUT through my studies I have found a fantastic statistic! One that even I wouldn't have pretended was real. 90% (90%!!!) of Asian American adults suffer from lactose intolerance! I've found a gold mine! I've always felt a real connection to asisans. Always. I love fried chicken in unhealthy sauces, I think fortune cookies are genius, I have deeper feelings than the average white 20 something female for Bruce Lee, AND once in high school, when asian inspired clothing was in style, I wore and asian shirt to school and also wore a black bobbed wig to appear more asian, because that seemed appropriate at the time. Of course I was wrong about the wig but that doesn't matter now, right? I understand the true plight of the Asian American. I'm on their side, and if I spin this the right way (like all good statistical findings) it's like I am saying Asian Americans are on my side. Girl vs cheese doesn't look so sad now. Asians Americans and Girl vs cheese. I think I'm going to keep my title though...
Bailey's irish cream can wait for now, but they will have their fight, and all I can say is, I hope they know kung fu.